Getting from here to there.

A holiday of thoughts.

Sitting in the terminal for my 11:30am flight.
The last time I was in this airport,
she and I were reluctantly returning.

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anxious depression.
anxiously depressed. no.
the first was right.

*

sediment
fills the bottom
of me.

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walk, you monkeys,
walk your pointless lives

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No one who has seen me
naked or shirtless
has ever seen me
not sucking it in.

Second nature.
Breathing. All the time.

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It has grown to an obsession.
Every few hours checking it.
Need to stop eating.

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Staring out at the Sunoco sign,
I do not want to do this.

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Missed out on the
nuclear-family experience.
Missed out on the
mother experience.

*

If I was shot in the leg
what is my reaction?

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Things are going to change.
Change.

*

Swear to Him,
I would have, that
I gained weight this semester.
In fact- lost. Still
remarkably unsatisfied.

*

People in cars.
People in boats.
People in houses.
People in books.
People in limbo.
People in graves.
People in mind.
People in thoughts.
People in cars.

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I did not deserve that.
Why was I not worth it?

*

In the dream, the two of us.
The dream was painful,
awkward, angry, difficult
jogging in wet cement
with no feet.
How will the real thing be?

*

There are mermaids everywhere,
and I hate every one of them.

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Show the world the explosion
it has been waiting its life to see.

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Well...I'm sorry too, mom.

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Question

What would be a better color for the sky?